Already Dead
by venusgirl
Summary: "It's my decision, Jake." These four words were enough to shatter Jacob's entire world as he knew it.  One-shot, drabble, song fic  Breaking Benjamin "So Cold" .


Author's Note: Hey, guys! Well, this should be interesting, my first Twilight fic! O_O What I love about song fics is the way music can really affect the listener. I never write a song fic unless it feels like I really, really need to. In order for that to happen, the music really needs to hit me in face and say, "Hey, this would be perfect for this character(s)!" And that is what this song did to me about Jacob and Bella :) Hope you enjoy. Please leave a review letting me know what you think.

**Already Dead**

I ran through the woods at breakneck speed. The words that uttered from Bella's lips played over and over in his mind like a sick, twisted broken record. _"It's my decision, Jake."_ It wasn't enough that the girl of my dreams wanted to be _with_ a bloodsucker, now she wanted to _be_ a bloodsucker.

A howl of rage escaped from my large, canine mouth. Probably even the people in town heard the savage cry, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I was sure Sam would reprimand me, but still didn't care. All I cared about was the feeling of absolute rage that was taking over my mind.

_"Jake! What's wrong?" _ I recognized the voice as that of Quil, one of my best friends.

_"Leave me alone!"_ I snarled. I was not in the mood, and nothing anyone could say could make the situation any better or remove this feeling of hatred and loathing inside of me.

Maybe I would just keep running. Maybe I would never come back. And maybe I would fall and hit my head and get amnesia and forget everything. Somehow, I didn't think I was that lucky. My legs couldn't stop moving, though.

Other voices of the pack members cut into my mind obtrusively, but Sam quieted them all, something for which I was extremely grateful.

In the quiet, the smaller things managed to dull the human feelings as I let the wolf's senses take over. The soil beneath my feet sunk slightly as each paw hit it. The birds and other small creatures quieted as I passed. The wind ruffled my fir. The small bit of sun that filtered through the tree canopies warmed my coat.

~*~Crowded streets are cleared away  
>One by One<br>Hollow heroes separate  
>As they run<p>

You're so cold  
>Keep your hand in mine<br>Wise men wonder while strong men die~*~

I ran until it was dark. I figured it must have been about six hours since Bella had broken the news to me. I shook my head, trying to clear the awful thought from my head, but all that seemed to do was make it bounce around in my skull and multiply its intensity.

What the hell was she thinking? Didn't she realize how this would affect Reneé? How this would affect Charlie? How this would affect me? My heart restricted painfully. Unwanted images flooded my brain. Bella, lying in a pool of blood. Her bloodsucker hadn't been able to stop; he had leeched all of the blood from her young, full body.

Bella, a red-eyed demon, attacking the towns-people. Blood dripping from her fangs. Pale skin, like a corpse.

Bella, pale and perfect looking—too perfect—unreal. Bronze eyes like Edward's and the rest of Cullens'. Not dangerous—yet. But a ticking time bomb.

Bella, being ripped apart by my brothers. The treaty had been broken; there was no other option.

Bella being ripped apart by him.

And why should it bother him? This fairy-tale monster wasn't his Bella anymore. She was gone. 

~*~Show me how it ends it's alright  
>Show me how defenseless you really are<br>satisfied and empty inside  
>Well, that's alright, let's give this another try<p>

If you find your family, don't you cry  
>In this land of make-believe, dead and dry~*~<p>

Seriously, what _was_ she thinking? She was abandoning her family for what? A life that could only cause pain and end in pain? When she could have had a life with me? I would never have made her give up her humanity. She could have stayed human, led a normal human life, gone to college, have had children, been…Bella. Perfectly clumsy, beautiful, human Bella. My Bella.

She could have a normal human family that would grow, and she wouldn't have to give up her old family. She wouldn't be stuck with a never-aging, never-changing family of monsters.

Why couldn't she see that I was perfect for her, and he wasn't?

Would she regret her decision once it was made, once she really experienced and understood the sacrifices she was making? It wouldn't matter, though, it would be too late. 

~*~You're so cold, but you feel alive  
>Lay your hand on me one last time<p>

Show me how it ends it's alright  
>Show me how defenseless you really are<br>satisfied and empty inside  
>Well, that's alright, let's give this another try<br>It's alright~*~

The moon hung high in the sky, and I lifted my snout upward, howling in pain, in agony, in rage, in utter helplessness, in loss. These are not things an animal can understand, and in my wolf form, tears could not escape my eyes the same as a human's. And so the howl continued. It rang through the night. Birds flew out of the trees in the dead of night at the sound.

It was the middle of the night, but I didn't care. I wouldn't go to sleep yet; I knew my dreams would be haunted.

And so I kept running and wrapping my mind around the one painful thought that kept surfacing: the girl I love was already dead.

2nd A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know any improvements I could have made or any suggestions. Or what you like, by all means :) 


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